i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Your penis caused this!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
