Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The best revenge is premature balding
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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