good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
