after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
