After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
