You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
