i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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