i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
