So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
