i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
