I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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