I seem to have left my pride at pride
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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