i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
