i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
