god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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