The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
