he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
