I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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