Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
