I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
