I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm passing your future prison.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
