yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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