How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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