i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
