highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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