Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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