My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
