dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i believe in u and ur pee
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
