I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ttyl tear gas
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
