rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
