My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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