I cannot find my penis.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
