Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
