I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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