You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
