Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
