She even gives head with a lisp.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
