i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
