So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think I am morally bankrupt
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
