Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
