Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
