I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
