So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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