how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Someone shattered a urinal.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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