That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
