It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
