Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
