Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
