are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
