Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
