I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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