Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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