I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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