I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
